10 Embarrassing Realities of Running
1. Falling, Tripping, and Colliding.
From colliding with runners at water stations, tripping over potholes, cracks, roots, curbs, trees, small dogs, cones, spectators, children, or most commonly your own two feet, tripping and falling happens and it happens often. Just make friends with the floor because you'll be spending a lot of time on it.
2. Melt Downs and Tantrums.
“Who’s that crazy person crying on the curb?” People driving by will wonder as they observe the shit fit you are throwing on the corner of a busy intersection. Running is a wonderful time to get away from the world and be alone with your thoughts. But the flip side to that coin is that sometimes shit gets real and you find yourself having a mental breakdown. I’ve cried on more curbs and in more races than I have anywhere else in the world.
3. Embarrassing Race Day Photos.
Probably the biggest sucker punch to your ego, that moment when you sort through all your race day photos. You remember looking like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch, hamming it up for the cameras but the photos tell a different story.
4. turning into a runhole.
When you start convincing your friends to “hang out” with you by riding a bike next to you during a long run or you start avoiding hangouts because you “have to run in the morning?…your life has taken a turn…
5. Being Lapped or finishing the race hours behind the “faster” runners.
As you approach the end of your first lap, the spectators erupt into applause. You think to yourself, “My God! All this for me?!” You wave to the crowd, blow kisses perhaps, and realize that you have been lapped by the approaching elite athletes racing into the finish line. Those cheers aren't for you, they are for those speed demons who are almost done. “Jesus Christ!” You exclaim, “I’m not even halfway done.”
6. Beautiful Muscle Cramps That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor.
Welcome to the world of endurance races where cramps are more common than candy on Halloween. Mid race you’ll feel your leg seize up and suddenly you’re rolling on the floor begging for mercy. “WHY ME! CRAMP!!!!! PAIN!!!!!” And you lay there, pride wounded, until you can either rub it out, limp it out, or inhale some salt packets and continue on.
7. Overreacting When You Press Pause on Your Running App and Forget to Press Resume.
I’ve cussed my iPhone out MORE than a hundred times, I’ll admit it. Nothing hurts more than the realization that two miles after you pressed pause you forgot to press resume. You know, because if it’s not documented it didn’t happen. Damn you pause button mishaps!
8. Talking to Yourself Like a Crazy Person.
Is that a crazy person or a runner? I can't tell! Go spectate at any race and you'll see thousands of runners muttering to themselves like crazy people. Things I often find myself muttering during runs,
“Get over it, you’re almost halfway there.”
“You are a beast, keep going.”
“Suck it up.”
“Damnit I forgot my GU!”
“OH HE IS CUTE! HOW YOU DOINNNNNNNNNG.”
“WHY DO I CONTINUE TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS! THIS IS THE LAST RACE I AM EVER RUNNING! YOU HEAR ME! I HATE THIS! I HATE RUNNING! I QUIT! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!”
“This is amazing!!!!"
“ONE MORE MILE! ONE MORE MILE!”
“Get out of my way! Jesus who stops in the middle of the road!? PULLOVER!”
9. chafing.
15 miles through New York City looking like you got shot because your sports bra is an expensive, oppressive, evil piece of crap? Just a regular Saturday.
10. Almost Pooping Your Pants.
Oh yeah, when you're a runner you will find yourself almost pooping your pants at least once a month. This is why it’s important to always run where you know where the nearest bathroom is. Isn’t running glamorous?
If this doesn’t make you want to become a runner, I don’t know what will. Isn’t running fun?! What are some of your most embarrassing running moments? Lord knows I have more than I know what to do with!
